So here we are. It’s 2018 and almost five months since I
published a blog. Oops! It’s not that I didn’t want to write, or that I didn’t
have anything to say. I had lots to say, and yet I could never really find the right
words. You see, there’s a part of my life that I’ve tried to keep private up
until now. Something I didn’t feel comfortable talking about. But that ‘thing’
became such a huge deal last year that it clouded all other parts of my little
world. I’ve always tried to keep this blog honest and so I made a decision –
that if I couldn’t be completely open, I wouldn’t write at all.
Fast forward half a year and I’m in quite a different place
and feel happier to share a little about what’s been going on. A while back, my
husband and I made the decision to start a family. It became a big focus in our
lives and I would go as a far as saying that it became a bit of an obsession
for me. Sadly, although there were many lovely holidays and happy times, I fear
I’ll always remember 2017 as ‘the year we couldn’t have a baby.’
I won’t go in to the ins and outs of our infertility, I don’t
think you need to know the gory details, but I will say that it’s been a tough
time for us. I have now made peace with
the fact that I will probably never carry a child or give birth but it’s taken
me a long time to get to that place. Last year, I wrote an article for the
Mighty that sums up how I was feeling then – before I accepted our fate and
that the path to parenthood may look a little different for us.
It’s not an easy read, but I know that it’s an issue that
many of us will face in our lifetime (12% of us sadly) and so if you’re
suffering too, I just wanted to say that ‘I know.’ I’ve felt the loneliness. I hope you will find your peace, just as I have found mine.
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