I always do my best to keep my blogs really positive. So
many people have contacted me over the past year to tell me how much my encouragement
helps them and I don’t want to let those people down. I also never want to come across as if I’m complaining or ranting. I
appreciate that I have a very nice life, and for that, I am more than grateful.
On the other hand, I never want to lie or sugar coat the severity
of my mental health issues. And sometimes, it’s very hard to see a bright future.
To see a day where anxiety doesn’t consume every bone in my body. Because,
honestly, sometimes life just gets a bit shitty and there's nothing you can do about it.
I don’t want to go in to the reasons why I’m particularly
anxious at the moment. That’s not what this blog is about. This blog is just to
say that sometimes, you can do all the mindfulness in the world and still feel
irritated. You can chant positive affirmations again and again and still feel helpless. You can distract yourself until you’re blue in the face
and still feel unable to concentrate on anything.
And I could say, well, it’s okay to feel that way. You’ll be
fine. After all, you’re trying to fight against a natural human response that
ultimately serves a purpose. But is it really okay? Can you really live when every day you’re fighting a
battle, and the war zone exists in your own mind? No. No, you can’t. You just merely
exist. And every day, you can hope for peace; for armistice. And maybe, just
maybe, while there’s still hope in your heart, there’s something left that’s
worth fighting for.
