Tuesday 9th May
I slept for 8 hours last night, uninterrupted. Halleluiah!
(And thank goodness for sleeping pills.) So I’m a little bit disappointed at
how shit I feel today. I thought sleep was the answer, but I was probably naive
to think it was a miracle cure.
I feel agitated today. So agitated. I’m fidgeting
constantly. My legs are sore from the constant bobbing up and down. My whole
body feels tense and aching. I have a headache that I’m terrified might turn into
a migraine.
I’m irritable. Everything is annoying me and I can tell I’m
not a fun person to be around at the moment, so it’s just easier to be alone
with my thoughts. I’m finding making the smallest of decisions almost
impossible. It took me almost an hour this afternoon to choose something to
watch on Netflix. Basic choices feel like mammoth life decisions.
I did manage to go to my mindfulness class tonight. I
enjoyed listening to the talk. It’s always reassuring to know there might be
someone else in the room that feels even crappier than me (not that I would
wish these feelings on anyone.) But I couldn’t concentrate on the meditation at
all. I felt too groggy to be mindful. It’s pretty hard to acknowledge your
thoughts when they don’t make any sense.
Maybe tomorrow will make more sense. Until then…
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