How to stay well when you’re stressed (from someone who’s really bad at it!)

I am writing this blog today for two reasons. Reason 1: it’s ‘time to talk’ day tomorrow. This day encourages us to take the opportunity to be more open about our mental health and open up the conversation. Reason 2: As a reminder to myself so I can look back on this when I’m struggling.

Anyone that knows me well will know that January is a difficult month for me. On top of the usual feelings of ‘meh’ that we all feel after the festive period, I also work in a very seasonal industry and January happens to be my busiest month of the year. Usually I thrive on the pressure and it keeps me going (in fact, the two periods of severe anxiety I’ve suffered with in previous years have been in my ‘quiet period’ at work.) But this January, I’ve found myself getting really stressed and it’s been quite difficult to pull myself out of that state at times. Here are some things that you absolutely should do if you’re struggling to cope with stress:

1)      Make time for self-care. I will freely admit I’m terrible at this. (I haven’t shaved my legs in so long, that I could probably pass for a yeti.) Self-care is one of these buzzwords that is thrown around quite a lot these days and I think is often misinterpreted. It doesn’t necessarily mean lying in a candlelit bath for an hour with a glass of wine, although that is a lovely way to spend an evening. It just means managing the little run of the mill tasks like taking your make up off before bed, making sure you have clean clothes and sitting down to a decent meal.

2)      Don’t under estimate the power of exercise. Another piece of advice that I’m useless at following. If the gym is your thing, then great, but I mean just getting out in the fresh air and going for a walk. At the end of a long day at work, most people – me included – just want to get in their pyjamas, crawl in to bed and watch the Crown. But going for just a 20minute stroll always helps me to clear my head and feel a lot more mindful.

3)      Try to remember, that your mental health is the most important thing. I know first-hand that it’s human nature to compare yourself to others. When you’re busy at work, you’re probably looking around at everyone else thinking, ‘am I doing enough?’ But don’t feel guilty about leaving at 5pm. It doesn’t really matter what others are doing – they are not you. You will know your own limits and you have to try and work within those limits to avoid getting ill. You can do anything if you put your mind to it, but not everything!

4)      Know that no matter how shit you are feeling, or how hard you are working, it will pass. Whatever you are stressed about today will probably not be relevant in a week’s time. Most things in life are temporary so know that when you’re having a hard time, it won’t last forever.

I hope future me actually manages to listen to the above advice! I’ll be taking some time with my colleagues tomorrow to get away from my desk and chat about mental health. I hope you all manage to make the time to do the same. To find out more about ‘time to talk day’ and how to get involved, go to https://www.time-to-change.org.uk/get-involved/time-talk-day-2018

A better place

So here we are. It’s 2018 and almost five months since I published a blog. Oops! It’s not that I didn’t want to write, or that I didn’t have anything to say. I had lots to say, and yet I could never really find the right words. You see, there’s a part of my life that I’ve tried to keep private up until now. Something I didn’t feel comfortable talking about. But that ‘thing’ became such a huge deal last year that it clouded all other parts of my little world. I’ve always tried to keep this blog honest and so I made a decision – that if I couldn’t be completely open, I wouldn’t write at all.  

Fast forward half a year and I’m in quite a different place and feel happier to share a little about what’s been going on. A while back, my husband and I made the decision to start a family. It became a big focus in our lives and I would go as a far as saying that it became a bit of an obsession for me. Sadly, although there were many lovely holidays and happy times, I fear I’ll always remember 2017 as ‘the year we couldn’t have a baby.’

I won’t go in to the ins and outs of our infertility, I don’t think you need to know the gory details, but I will say that it’s been a tough time for us.  I have now made peace with the fact that I will probably never carry a child or give birth but it’s taken me a long time to get to that place. Last year, I wrote an article for the Mighty that sums up how I was feeling then – before I accepted our fate and that the path to parenthood may look a little different for us.

https://themighty.com/2017/10/infertility-loneliness/?utm_source=search&utm_medium=site&utm_term=infertility

It’s not an easy read, but I know that it’s an issue that many of us will face in our lifetime (12% of us sadly) and so if you’re suffering too, I just wanted to say that ‘I know.’ I’ve felt the loneliness. I hope you will find your peace, just as I have found mine.