If you’ve read any of my previous blogs, you will know by
now that the last year or so has not been the easiest time of my life. Plagued
with crippling anxiety, I became very ill last year and still battle daily with
my mental health issues. But it’s been over a year since I first became ill and
now that the fog has cleared, despite still having the odd bad day (or three),
I now have enough self-awareness to see the good in my life, most of the time.
What I do have now that I didn’t have a year ago is a little
more perspective. Anxiety took that away from me. It took me to a dark place where
all my thoughts were negative ones. But
lately (and I think largely due to practicing mindfulness,) I’ve come to
realise that there is so much good in the world: good that we choose not to see
because we are so distracted by the negatives in our own lives and in the world
around us.
I accept that there are things in life I do not have that I
desperately want. And I’ll admit that sometimes seeing other people with those
things causes me a lot of pain and has, at times, brought about strong feelings
of resentment and bitterness. But when I look at my life objectively, I can see
that I really am very fortunate.
I have a loving and supportive husband and a harmonious
marriage. I have a beautiful home, filled with nice things and a very cute
(albeit, I suspect, evil) cat. I have a job that I love. I have a support
network of people that care about me and would be there in an instant if I
needed them. Some of these things I have worked hard for. Others, well, I have
just been lucky. The bottom line is, many people don’t have any of these
things, so I know I should be thankful.
At bedtime, my husband and I will try and come up with a list
of good things that have happened that day (we usually aim for three.) Sometimes
these are little triumphs – we had pizza, we completed a work project, we
successfully guessed the killer in Broadchurch etc. etc.) Sometimes these are
more profound. But these reasons to be cheerful, however small, help me to stay
well. Because this gratitude forces me to focus on the good things in life and
balances out all those negative anxious thoughts.
If you’re having a tough time, I would encourage you to look
at your life from the perspective of a stranger. Mentally list all the good
points – your reasons to be cheerful.
You’ll probably find that they are
things you take for granted every day. Take a moment to be thankful and I hope
you’ll find that there is room for gratitude amidst the fog of negativity.
“Some people grumble that roses have thorns: I am grateful
that thorns have roses.”
